Making your Dash Count

Three Broken Children of Divorce August 4, 2008

There are some life experiences that one never wants to repeat. I witnessed one of those this weekend; it wasn’t my life and I was thankful that it was not, but I was there. The child exchange was to happen at the airport. He had kept the kids longer than allowed 1,000 miles away. He had moved from Ohio and was court ordered to return them to their mom. That alone should have been my warning that it was not going to be a pleasant experience, but luckily I am naïve about matters of divorced parents, so I had no clue what was to happen.

Since Sarah died my message has been to appreciate our children: to love our children in ways that they know that we are on their side, that their well being is paramount to our own well being. I am not sure that parents REALLY understand how wonderful and valuable their children are until they no longer have them.

But this weekend, I heard the first words to come out of a father’s mouth on seeing a son that he had not seen in over a month be scorn and belittlement yelled across the Port Columbus airport foodcourt. I saw a 14 year old boy not only shirk but run from his father. For whatever reason, this boy felt threatened by a father whose profession and professional life is that of healing children, a true non sequitur. I saw daughters holding back their father from what appeared to be rage against his son.

At the same time, the daughters wanted little to do with their mother. This was foreign to me. It let me reflect upon so many divorced families I know wondering if the emotions children reflected scorn to parents or the situation. At the airport, I wondered if the emotions were theirs or emotions taught by their father. What does a disgruntled, angry and bitter parent tell their children about the other parent? I will never know these answers.

All I know is that I witnessed three broken children from a broken marriage “sharing parenting” with the aid of police involvement. It was heartbreaking.

In contrast, it made me consider another divorced family I knew, as our daughter went through elementary and middle school. As icy as they were to each other, Kelsey’s parents always put Kelsey first. Her parents attended every performance, every accolade together for Kelsey. They put their differences aside for their daughter. Kelsey showed EACH of her parents love, in the same way that they demonstrated her how much they loved her. This seemed to be as successful a divorce as one could have. Kelsey was raised as a whole loving person.

As sad as Saturday was for me to witness, it was uplifting to remember Kelsey and her parents. Her parents made a choice to keep Kelsey feeling loved and secure instead of broken and lost.

Remember…. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Let’s choose to love and appreciate our children today- especially our children of divorce.